


The Skateboard

by ravenroses



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:46:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24243028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenroses/pseuds/ravenroses
Summary: One of probably many reasons Xander never used a skateboard again after he found out Buffy's secret.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	The Skateboard

Xander lay quietly in bed, eyes firmly fixed on the ceiling. It had been a rough week and rough felt like an understatement. The week had been a whirlwind that didn't make a lot of sense but confirmed a lot of strange suspicions he, Willow, and Jesse had joked about the last few years as they grew more aware and the adults seemed to get more oblivious.

At the thought of his late friend, a small sob crept up into his throat. He bit it back with a small choke. Xander tucked his knees up toward his chest and rolled to his side. He shoved an arm up to the elbow under the pillow and gripped the underside with all his might. His dark eyes squeezed shut to avoid the vision of his friend turning to dust but it only made it worse.

That was the toughest part of all. He could accept that vampires were real. He could accept that the new girl he had the hots for was supernaturally gifted to kill aforementioned vampires. He was having trouble accepting that Jesse was dead. He could not accept that the town was so willing to write Jesse off as a missing or runaway. Yeah, he would act out a little and wasn't the brightest but he was never troubled.

Thinking of Sunnydale made him wonder if their behavior toward Jesse's disappearance explained a lot of the other students and some adults who just seemed to up and leave overnight with little to no word. Xander didn't want to fall down a rabbit hole of blame and conspiracy but he felt something cold plummet into his stomach and his heartbeat sped up. These people were forgotten and misremembered It broke his heart.

His opened his eyes and blinked away the remaining tears. His gaze landed on his skateboard on top of the cluttered and useless desk. He hadn't ridden it since before his world was turned around. It didn't feel right. That was his and Jesse's thing.

Suddenly, Xander stood up. He walked over to the board and picked it up in both hands. He stared at the fading grip tape before flipping it over to stare at the wooden undercarriage. The wheels were gnarled and the trucks were chipped in spots. Each spot probably told a different story of failure and success. Each one tied back to Jesse.

Shifting the weight to one hand, he lifted the skateboard toward the ceiling. His eyes followed suit before he shut them briefly, This one's for you, man. Then he put the board under his arm. With the free arm, he swept a bunch of the junk on the desk to the floor or the trash bin next to it. Then he set the board down.

Xander's hand lingered a moment as he stared at the now barren space surrounding it. Something in his gut told him that this would be the first on many pieces, one of many reminders of people he loved or knew as they joined the ranks of vampires and the dead going forward. As much as he wanted his ignorance back, he knew that this was the place for him. He would join Buffy and the strange librarian on whatever they needed him for to prevent more Jesses from happening and if they couldn't, then he would bring a piece of them home so at least someone remembered what really happened.

His hand dropped away and for the first time in a few days, Xander left his room feeling like all hope wasn't lost and that this new girl would help him feel less hopeless in a grim world.


End file.
